| Study abroad...or two. |
[10:54am Wednesday, June 17th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
] |
I got my acceptance letter from Tokyo Denki! I'll be in Japan on September 8! I'm excited but terrified at the same time. I'll be staying with a host family, so I'm quite worried about that. I'll be in Chiba, but I'm hoping to arrange a trip (or a few) up to Osaka to see Kaori and Mayumi. Chika lives near Chiba already, so hopefully I'll see her fairly often. Zack, Matt, and Dickbutt will all be in actual Tokyo, which isn't too far, so I'll have some Amerika people to talk to. Only one other girl from Marshall is going to Tokyo Denki...nobody wanted to do it because it's just a semester long, and it's also supposed to be pretty hard language-wise. It's a fairly small school, and unlike Kansai or the other big schools, doesn't have a huge English program for Japanese students....therefore, tons of Nihongo. But that's what I liked about it. I don't want to go to Japan to weeaboo it up, I want to go to work on my language schools and learn about culture.
So...yeah. Nihon!
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| Butthurt |
[11:39pm Wednesday, April 29th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
My parents have banned my grandfather from smoking for, oh...the 100th time now. This time they say it is permanent (but we'll see). My grandfather can be VERY stubborn, and isn't taking this well, as learned from a phone conversation earlier:
Me: "Is PawPaw butthurt?"
Dad: "Yes, he's butthurt."
My mom in the background: "What's butthurt?"
Dad: "You don't know what butthurt means? How do you not know what butthurt means?"
Me: "I know right? Butthurt is the best word ever."
Dad: "It is!! Hahahaha! But he won't be butthurt for long, he doesn't have much of a butt. Hahahaha!"
<3 Daddy.
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| It shouldn't be a secret. |
[11:11pm Tuesday, April 7th, 2009] |
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/04/05/war.dead.media.coverage/index.html
This makes me so glad... Being the daughter of a soldier, I would be so angry if my father died in action and his body was brought back like some disgusting secret the government was trying to hide. It's important that people know that when soldiers die overseas, it isn't just a number that goes up. People need to know that there is a name, a face, a life, behind that "number", and that behind that name and face there is a family that will grieve forever.
Every once in a while, the newspaper will publish the photo, name, and rank of soldiers from the local area that have recently died in action. Naturally, I saw it more often when I lived on/near a military base. Seeing the photos always made my chest so heavy, like my lungs had filled with lead. I always look at the photos, and picture those men and women alive, smiling and laughing, and then my eyes see the cause of death listed...roadside bomb, IED, mortar attack, enemy fire, and my eyes get hot.
Those who know me best know that I'm extremely close to my father, and he is one of the most respected people in my life. He is the most honest, friendly, positive-thinking person I've ever met. He's one of those kinds of people that has never met a stranger; everyone he meets likes him. Every time I look at those pictures of deceased soldiers...every time my father is deployed...I admit, a dark corner of my mind flashes a picture of a newspaper with him printed in it, and it seems like the blood drains from my entire body. I get cold as ice. It isn't something I can dwell on when he's deployed, but the thought will come up a few times in 12-15 months. I can't possibly imagine what I would do if it were a reality...if I were the faceless family mentioned in the newspaper, with other people looking at my father's photograph and wondering the same things I do when I see those pictures in the newspaper...
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| A life of just happiness? |
[11:40pm Tuesday, March 31st, 2009] |
I just finished the short story "Flowers for Algernon." Cassandra spoke of it in her journal, and having heard of it before and being quite curious, decided to read it.
The story was quite sad, and struck close to home. I thought of my cousin, Brett, the whole time I read it.
Brett had Down's Syndrome and wasn't expected to live past the age of 5, but he did. Then he wasn't expected to live past the age of 12, and he did. He actually lived to be 38, when he died instantly from a massive heart attack (his heart basically exploded).
I used to feel sorry for Brett when I was a kid. His speech was very hard to understand for me, and I couldn't understand how he could possibly have a fulfilling life. I felt like a bad person when I was around him, because those two things were all I could think about.
As I grew older, my understanding of Brett changed. One of the main reasons was that it was impossible to feel sorry for him--he was one of the happiest individuals I had ever met, if not the happiest. He remembered every person he ever met, and greeted everyone one of them with a big hug, a smile, and a kiss on the cheek. Brett had a lot of things to be happy for, actually.
Brett had a longtime girlfriend of many years. He loved her very much, and she loved him, too. When you asked him about his girlfriend, his face would light up even more than usual. When he died, he had still been dating her. How many people in today's society have a love that lasts "until death do us part"? I know my own marriage didn't.
Brett had many friends and was close to many family members. He loved going to family events, especially the family Christmas party. There is a gift exchange we do every year, and he enjoyed it so much. It didn't matter what he received, he was overjoyed at the gesture. He was even more delighted to give a gift.
Brett loved church. He couldn't help but to stand up in the pew and proclaim his love for God. He would attend youth Sunday School after the service, and loved his lessons. He would always tell everybody that he loved God, and that he was happy God had given him all these wonderful people in his life. He had a complete faith in God, and that God controlled the world. How many people are so sure of their worldview? Many struggle with their spiritual beliefs all their lives, yet Brett knew his completely.
All Brett knew in his life was happiness. There was no sadness. He didn't see the cruelty of the world, or the evil in people's hearts. He saw only goodness in people, saw only goodness in the things that happened around him. He knew no anguish, no depression, no doubt. He was 100% sure of everything in his life and was happy with all of it.
How could that possibly be someone to feel sorry for?
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| I took this from Sonnya. |
[12:22am Thursday, March 26th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Zombie"-The Cranberries |
] |
TEN ARE YOUS:
► Are you single ➔ Nope.
► Are you happy ➔ I'm almost always happy. There are so many things in life to be happy about!
► Are you bored ➔ Not really, just doing this, talking with Drake and about to go to bed. Going to Columbus tomorrow.
► Are you sad ➔ Nope!
► Are you angry ➔ Nope. I get angry even less often than I get sad.
► Are you Italian ➔ No
► Are you German ➔ No
► Are you Asian ➔ No
► Are you Irish ➔ No
► Are your parents still married ➔ Yes, and they were highschool sweethearts, too. Very unusual these days.
TEN FACTS
► Birth Place ➔ Fort Sill, Oklahoma
► Hair Color ➔ Red
► Hair Style ➔ Longish, I guess, with a fringe
► Eye color ➔ Green
► Birthday ➔ March 18, 1986
► Mood ➔ Excited. :)
► Gender ➔ Female
► Lefty or Righty ➔ Righty
► Summer or Winter ➔ I can't choose! I love playing in the snow and snuggling with someone special in the winter, but I love sitting by the river in the summer and walking around town.
► Morning or Afternoon ➔ The morning when it's quiet and all you hear are birds chirping.
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
► Are You In Love ➔ Yesss <33
► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ No.
► Who ended your last relationship ➔ Me.
► Have you ever been hurt ➔ Yes
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Yes
► Are you friends with your ex(es) ➔ Lol no.
► Are you afraid of commitment ➔ Yes, especially after getting divorced.
► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ I hug someone almost everyday. Hugs are good, a 20 second hug can lower your blood pressure quite a bit, ya know!
► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Yes, it's weird.
► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ Yes, but it was for the best.
TEN THIS OR THAT:
► Love or Lust ➔ "True love has a touch of desire on its lips."
► Lemonade or Icetea ➔ Fuck both of those, I want SWEET TEA. SUGARY SOUTHERN SWEET TEA!
► Cats or Dogs ➔ dogsdogsdogs
► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ Few best friends.
► Television or Internet ➔ I do both at the same time. I keep the TV on and listen to it while dicking around on the internet.
► Pepsi or Coke ➔ Coke
► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Depends.
► Pink or Purple ➔ Pink
► Day or Night ➔ Day
► IM or Phone ➔ IM. I HATE the phone.
TEN HAVE YOU EVER:
► Been caught sneaking out ➔ No, as I've never snuck out. I have snuck in, though. >>
► Fell down the stairs ➔ Not that I can remember.
► Finished an entire jawbreaker ➔ I have!
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes
► White water rafted ➔ No
► Prank called a store ➔ No
► Skipped School ➔ Yes, I do it a LOT. Guess I'm making up for perfect or near-perfect attendance in K-12...
► Wanted to disappear ➔ Yes. It's a terrible feeling. "I want to be forgotten even by God."--Robert Browning...pretty much sums up the feeling.
TEN PREFERENCES
► Smile or Eyes ➔ Eyes
► Light or Dark Hair ➔ Dark
► Fat or Skinny ➔ Skinny.
► Shorter or Taller ➔ Taller...but everyone is taller than me, so this is a non issue.
► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ Both.
► Jock or Nerd ➔ Nerd
► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Relationship.
► Funny and poor OR Rich and serious ➔ Funny & Poor.
► Play the guitar or into sports ➔ What kind of music do they play? What kind of sports are they into? If it's hockey...then that just trumps everything.
► WHERE'S NUMBER 10 ➔ OH FUCK I DON'T KNOW.
TEN LASTS
► Last Phone Call/Text ➔ Uh...Kaori.
► Last phone call you received ➔ Drake.
► Last person you hung out with ➔ DRAKE.
► Last person you hugged ➔ THE MOTHERFUCKING DRAKE.
► Last person you IM'ed? ➔ Toilet
► Last thing you ate ➔ lol, bratwurst
► Last thing you drank ➔ some AriZona tea stuff
► Last site you went to ➔ Cosfu?
► Last place you were ➔ Target
► WHERE IS IT? ➔ Barboursville, WV
RELATIONSHIPS
► Are you in a committed relationship ➔ Yeah
► Do you want to be ➔ Yes, otherwise I wouldn't be? Durr.
► When was your last relationship ➔ Uh...5 months ago? Something like that...
► Have you ever loved a guy/girl more than anything else in the world? ➔ Yes
► Do you still love them ➔ One no, one yes.
► Do you like someone right now ➔ Perhaps.
FAMILY
► Do you and your family get along ➔ Yes, my family kicks ass.
► Would you say you have a "fucked up life"➔ Nah, it's pretty chill.
► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ Nope.
► If so, how long ➔ N/A
► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Sort of.
► If so, how long ➔ A week or so. I lived in a hotel.
FRIENDS
► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ No
► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ No
► Do you trust all your friends ➔ No
► Who are/is your best friend(s) ➔ Drake, Lyndsey, Toilet...
► Would you die for them ➔ Probably
► Who knows everything about you ➔ Drake and Lyndsey
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| SHITSHITSHIT |
[1:10pm Monday, March 23rd, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I cannot find my make-up case anywhere. I took it to A&G, but I could have sworn I fucking packed it. I packed everything else that was in the bathroom there...hope I just took it out once I got home and put it somewhere weird and can't remember....uggghhh.
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| The sky is bright blue, the air is crisp... |
[1:37am Monday, March 23rd, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
The weather was beautiful today. It's delightful being able to drive with the windows down and sunroof open. Drake and I drove around for a while today, periodically waving our hands out the windows. It's like we'd forgotten what it's like for the weather to be warm.
We went flea marketing today and the people were out in droves. Seems everyone was excited for the weather. I scored a rad retro coffee table for $5...much better than the Rubbermaid bin I'd been using for a coffee table, laffo. Drake found some pokemanz plushie for like, 50 cents. Of all places to find a pokemanz. I don't remember what one it was. :o
Nathan has also been enjoying the weather. He can once again go outside and roll around happily in the dirt while he takes a break from digging holes and chasing invisible bears. He came inside and looked brown rather than black, there was so much dirt on him. His tail just wagged and wagged, he was so fucking happy to be covered in dirt.
My spring cleaning is coming along well, and it's bringing with it much peace of mind. I love seeing a clean area, it just makes my mind feel less scattered. In fact, spring itself is clearing my mind. After a winter full of heavy emotions and cloudy thoughts, it's nice to have clear skies.
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| Hell yeah |
[12:37am Wednesday, March 18th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
My birthday's off to a faboo start, folks.
I just opened the box my parents and grandfather sent me, and it was a fucking Playstation 3! And some panties. And a perfume shimmer poof thing. So I can be sparkly and wearing new panties while playing some bideo geemus.
Sweet!
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| 100 Truths, aka, I'm fucking bored. |
[10:42pm Sunday, March 15th, 2009] |
001. Real name → Brittany Nicole Wilson. Once upon a time, it was Brittany Nicole Acker.
002. Nickname(s)→ Omanko, Twat (oh you guys), Jojo
003. Zodiac sign → Pisces
004. Male or female → Female
005. Elementary → Fuck, I don't remember. I went to four, though.
006. Middle School → Wacoochee Junior High School, LAFFO.
007. High School → Smiths Station High School and Calvary Christian School
008. Hair color → Red
009. Long or short → Long, I guess?
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends on the situation and the people around.
011. Sweats or Jeans or underwear → I wear skirts and dresses almost all the time...when I'm sleeping, I'm butt naked. I HATE sleeping in clothes!
012. Phone or Camera → Phone
013. Health freak → As long as there's no dairy in it, I'll eat it.
014. Drink or Smoke? → Lololol.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → OH YEAH.
016. Eat or Drink → You really need to do both to survive.
017. Piercings → Just my ears.
018. Tattoos → None now, but I want one in every language I learn.
HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ yes
020. Been in a relationship → yes
021. Been in a car accident → yes
022. Been in a fist fight → yes
FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Ears
024. First best friend → Suzanne
025. First award → No idea. Something art related, though.
026. First crush → Don't remember.
028. First big vacation → None? I've never actually been on a big trip I'd call a vacation. Always some other motive behind it.
LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Drake
030. Last person you texted → Uh...Obenjou.
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Drake.
033. Last movie you watched → Zoolander.
034. Last song you listened to → Dunno.
035. Last thing you bought → NGE boxed set.
036. Last person you hugged → Chris and Jeff
FAVES:
037. Food → Too many to list...
038. Drinks → Mountain Dew Voltage ftw
039. Clothing → Cute dresses
040. Flower → Yellow roses
042. Color → Pink and yellow
043. Movies → Nightmare Before Christmas
044. Subjects → Foreign Languages, History, Politics
IN 2008..... I
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
049. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation
050. [] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant
052. [] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [] left the country
060. [] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [] ran a mile
063. [] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [] Hated someone
066. [] stayed single the whole year
CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → nothing
068. Drinking → Mountain Dew Voltage
069. I'm about to → Shower
070. Listening to → Cars driving by
071. Plans for today → Day's almost over...shower, watch a movie, sleep
072. Waiting for → Spring Break
073. Want kids? → Yes
074. Want to get married → Been there, done that, don't know if I want to do it again.
075. Careers in mind → Translator/interpreter, foreign affairs...something with the CIA or Department of State
WHICH IS BETTER WITH A BOY/GIRL?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes
077. Shorter or taller?→ I'm 5ft, so unless the other person is a midget, this is a nonissue.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms, omg.
080. Sensitive or loud → Let's mix it together.
081. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → trouble-maker
HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes, I FREAK out when I can't find my glasses.
084. Snuck out of your house → No
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → Yes
086. Killed somebody → No.
087. Broken someone's heart → Yeah
088. Been arrested → No.
089. Cried when someone died → Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → I still have moments where I don't.
091. Miracles → Yes
092. Love at first sight → No
094. Santa Claus → Lol. My parents still haven't told me he isn't real.
095. Sex on the first date → Laffo.
096. Kiss on the first date → Sure.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ <333
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?→ I truly am. Life is kick-ass right now.
099. Do you believe in God → Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people→ I dunno... [info]ryuuza-kun
|
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| A&G Ohio |
[9:54pm Sunday, March 15th, 2009] |
|
Wow, what a fucking tiny fail con. Thankfully, hanging out with friends made it more than worthwhile. We also all won awards in the cosplay contest. Drake and I won Best in Show, Jess won best craftsmanship, Chris and Sonnya won a judge's award, and Cassie won a judge's award. Shit was so girugamesh.
If A&G is even back next year, I wouldn't go, laffo. I think next year we're gonna hit up Tekko. After Colossal, I probably won't be at another con until next year's Ohayocon. I sooo wish I could study abroad in the spring, but Tokyo Denki only has a fall semester exchange program, and that's the place I really wanna go, so...gotta do what ya gotta do I suppose. :/
In other news: my birthday is Wednesday. I'll be 23. Weird. I got a notice in the mail that I have a box waiting at the post office...it's my parents' and grandfather's present to me. Wonder what it is. :o
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| 2008 and 2009 |
[11:19pm Thursday, January 1st, 2009] |
2008 was a pivotal year in my life, to be sure.
Moved from Georgia to Ohio, where I started going to Marshall University (actually in West Virginia, not Ohio). It's a great school, I have great teachers, and met wonderful friends.
On the downside, Josh and mine's relationship started to seriously go south. His verbal abuse got worse and worse. I was had horrible depression and instead of helping in any manner, he constantly called me "disgusting", "waste of space" and told me to "stop with the emo shit." It got to the point where I almost killed myself. I had a gun, held it to my head, finger on the trigger...but didn't do it. I honestly do not believe it was me that stopped myself from doing it. I wanted to die so badly...I figured that if my own husband didn't like me, then nobody else ever would.
You can't go any further down after hitting rock bottom, and thus the rebuilding of myself came. It didn't start off well; really I just hardened myself to Josh. I actually became downright mean, I wanted him to feel the way he made me felt...like garbage. We drove to Montana to meet his family, and I learned an important lesson...never marry anybody without meeting their family. I did NOT want to be like his mother..in her 50s, being called stupid by her husband and sons.
Josh and I spoke often of taking a break of divorcing, but he never followed through. He refused to go to marriage counseling. During Tsubasacon, it was like a realization suddenly hit me...I had zero desire to be with him. I didn't miss him at (I went to the con alone), I dreaded going home, strangers made me feel better about myself than he ever did. Thus, I broke the news to him.
We were legally separated in November. In December I started dating one of my friends from school, Drake. He's amazing and treats me wonderfully. It's so refreshing to be in a relationship where the other person isn't always trying to bring you down. Our divorce was finalized on New Year's Eve. Where is Josh now? Lonely, unemployed, and living in the bad part of town. He always told me he could "do way better" than me...guess not. Girls just aren't interested in unemployed loser assholes. Along with being an asshole, he has turned into an extremely bitter person.
Everything happens for a reason...I learned a *lot* from my relationship with Josh. The most important part was that I finally achieved something I had been working on for years...my self-esteem and self-assurance.
I'm looking forward to 2009 with great excitement! It's shaping up to be awesome...Drake and I have awesome costumes lined up for Ohayocon, A&G is gonna be super fun (even if we're just going Saturday), classes will be awesome-o...and Yukari-sensei invited me to go to Japan with her this summer, yay! Life is great!! :D
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| Merry Christmas everyone! |
[11:15am Thursday, December 25th, 2008] |
|
I hope you're all having a great holiday. I know I am. ;) It's just going to get better as the day goes on!
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| Eerily accurate |
[10:53pm Friday, November 14th, 2008] |
You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.
Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.
You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.
You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.
You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.
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| Divorce. |
[3:04pm Tuesday, September 30th, 2008] |
So.
Yeah.
Josh hates me, but I feel very calm...
|
|
| .... |
[2:59am Saturday, September 27th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
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 numb |
] |
Do you still call it "breaking up" when it's done with your spouse?
I don't know what to call this.
I hope he's okay.
I know he'll hate me, though.
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| OMFG |
[8:12am Saturday, September 13th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
My change of circumstance for the Pell Grant was approved! I got the maximum amount!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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| Wind-up Sushi |
[9:32pm Sunday, September 7th, 2008] |
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happy |
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My digi cam is officially dead. The thing won't turn on. D: I'm tired of shit breaking. Seems like one thing messes up, and every other appliance/electronic device wants to follow suit. Last night Josh's computer got raped by viruses and the thing is all messed up. He got rid of it, but it did some serious damage in the process. Fun.
So anyway. In the clearance aisle at Wal-mart, I found wind-up sushi, which is probably one of the strangest things I've ever found at Wal-mart. There are all kinds. The salmon roe is my favourite. You wind it up, and it cruises around in circles. Hurrah! The packaging says random shit on it in Japanese, too. かわいい！いらっしゃいませ！ Okay.
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| Study? What's that? |
[7:49pm Saturday, September 6th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
So I'm back in school again after like a year and half of uh...not being in it. Kind of strange. Well, I have three history classes and two foreign language classes, so I'm pretty busy with it. With as many history classes as I've racked up at my three (!!!) schools I've attended so far, I think I'll just go ahead with a history minor. I think I've had five or six so far? Almost 20 credit hours of just history, yeesh.
Tsubasacon is coming up and I have nothing to wear to it. I have mountains of fabric laying around, but can't think of anything to make out of it. :/ I want to do something relatively easy since school has kept me so busy.
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